Silence can be deafening. And when your team is *quiet vacationing, quiet quitting, quiet anything-ing, there’s nothing louder than the problems you encounter: decreased collaboration, job satisfaction, and productivity. So if you’re reading this you’re probably wondering, “How the heck do I engage my team and stop the quiet vacationing?” and more importantly “How do I help my team unplug from work?”

We asked SNP Executive Coach, Kathleen Wallace, just that. Kathleen has over a decade of experience coaching leadership and communication skills for all leaders across various industries.

In this coaching conversation, Kathleen walks through how she’d advise her coachees on quiet vacationing. It comes down to checking your assumptions, having a safe conversation, and co-creating a solution. 

*Quiet vacationing is when a team member goes on vacation without taking paid time off or telling their manager, doing all the necessary work remotely. 

My team is quiet vacationing and we’re missing key deadlines. I can see on their Zoom calls that they’re not in their usual backgrounds and they’re not being responsive. What do I do? 

First, let me ask you, how do you know it’s quiet vacationing and not a personal situation? The former is an assumption. There’s a difference between the stories we tell ourselves and the data. Data is just the facts: Projects aren’t getting done. Stories are the interpretation: Projects aren’t getting done because people are quiet vacationing. 

We often take a data point and create a story that shapes reality, communicating accordingly. 

Clarify what the data points are that create your narrative. Then, understand how you researched those data points. More often than not, they come from passive observation, not intentional investigation. Our biggest problem: lack of curiosity. 

We are all so busy. Things are not getting done. There’s an emotion that drives that. Instead of asking what’s really going on, we tend to assume and then jump to a solution based on our assumption. 

So, do your research and have a conversation. Check your assumptions. You want to solve the actual problem. 

How do I check my assumptions? 

What are you currently doing? What lines of communication already exist? 

You can do your research in one-on-ones or have a team conversation. Common sense prevails here. 

When it comes to a team conversation and setting culture, start by level-setting: here’s what we have to get done, here’s what’s expected of us, here’s where we need to go, and here’s the status. Then ask: what do we need to get there? And go deeper than just action. Ask, how do we show up for each other as we’re driving this? Active listening is super key here. 

When listening, name what’s happening in the room. “It sounds like people are burned out by the number of meetings.” “People seem frustrated with XYZ decision.” Hold space…Listen and reflect what they’re saying back to them. Pull themes. Eventually, you’ll be able to solve collaboratively.

For example, “Frank, it sounds like you’re burned out by the number of meetings we’re having. [pause for Frank to add more. Summarize again back to him.] What would have to happen for us to have fewer meetings?”

Now, if people aren’t telling you what’s happening and why, then there’s a lack of psychological safety. That needs to be addressed first. 

My team isn’t opening up and my 1:1s feel surface level. How do I create a psychologically safe space? 

If your team isn’t forthcoming, ask yourself, “What am I doing to encourage people to talk?” 

First and foremost, ask for feedback. If people aren’t talking to you, there’s a reason. Ask.

A feedback conversation isn’t, “Hey, let’s solve this.” It’s about discovery. The key to that is how you kick things off. Be specific, clear, and, most importantly, get the other person to share. For example, “Thanks so much for taking the time to chat about ABC project. I have some concerns about deadlines. For example, we’ve missed one and two. Talk to me, what’s going on?” 

Again, really listen. If it truly is quiet vacationing, you need to listen to understand their emotion. There’s likely something they don’t feel they can tell you or have articulated for themselves. Listening will help them uncover what it is they feel they can’t say.

Another rule of thumb is don’t surprise anyone with a conversation. Make sure the person (or team) is in the know before the meeting. You can have 1:1 meetings before the big team meeting to get everyone thinking. You can send a note beforehand about the topic and expectations. You know what will resonate with your team best. 

In some instances, especially a team conversation, it may be best to have two meetings. One to discuss the issues, learning more. One to solve the issue and create the action plan. When you learn more before solving you’re saying, “I’m listening.” Because when you start a solution conversation or brainstorm, some ideas will be accepted, some won’t. When creating a psychologically safe space, it’s important to encourage voices in the room first. 

Remember, managers mostly get their work done through other people. They’re not doing as much IC work. So it would stand to reason that your solution has to be about supporting the people doing the work. Lower your self-orientation (hitting those KPIs, OKRs, you name it) so that you create a solution that’s not about you and what you need, but about supporting your team.

How do I co-create a solution? 

People are more likely to engage with something they have a say in. You, as the manager, don’t have to have all the answers. Take a sigh of relief. It’s ok to say “Hey, I have some thoughts about how we can solve this, but first what do you think?” Or… “If you were me, how would you solve this?”

Usually, managers know their preferred solution or how to change things, but the issue here is a lack of transparency. You, as the manager, can’t possibly see all the sides. If we approach it with transparency and empathy, we create space for people to step up which, ultimately, lets us learn more. 

What if this issue goes beyond me and is coming from an issue with leadership? 

Again, always check your assumptions first. Next, think about two things. One, as a manager it’s your job to run interference for your team. Two, just as you would want other people to speak up to you, one would assume your senior leader would want you to speak up to them. 

And if you aren’t able to voice something to your leader then there’s a different issue to address altogether. 

The key here is leading by example in both directions.

Lead by example 

If you want people to take a vacation, you, yourself have to take a vacation and be open about it. And then when it’s their turn to take a vacation, respect that time off and let them unplug. Model that behavior with your own leaders. 

As you’re creating team culture, remember it’s not just about getting the work done, but also taking care of the people. 

For more on creating a loud culture (and not a quiet vacationing culture), read this article on the importance of work/life balance as a leader from SNP’s own EVP of Products and Services, Jessica Thrasher. 

Struggling with a culture problem or looking for professional coaching? Reach out to us at info@snpnet.com